What is Rape?

Rape is an act of violence and domination and anger. It uses sexual acts including penetration as weapons. Rape is a subject which most people find uncomfortable. For women it conjures up all kinds of images such as dirty old men in plastic coats waiting in dark alleys.

Every woman in our society feels the fear of rape—children are taught to be afraid of 'strange men' who offer us lollies or rides. Women are taught to lock our doors, not to be alone and not to look or act in any way that might 'bring rape upon ourselves'. Perhaps the most obvious situation in which we are taught to be afraid is when we walk home alone at night. This awareness of violence brings fear and changes a routine or pleasant activity (eg. a walk in the park) into a worrying experience.

However rape and sexual violence happen far more than we realise to ordinary females in ordinary places. Many people do not really understand about rape.

Rape is sex without consent. Consent means giving permission. Consenting to sex means that you know what you are doing, you want to do it and you know you can stop anytime. Being pressured or feeling you have to or being scared not to do it is not true consent. Most people know their rapist and they are usually a friend, partner, ex-partner or relative. This makes it hard to believe that it was rape but that is the word if you were coerced.

It doesn't matter whether you say ‘no’ shouted ‘no’ or even thought "no". If they didn’t check out if you were into it then you didn't give consent.

What if you were drunk?

Perpetrators often use alcohol or drugs to make someone vulnerable or to excuse their own behaviour. If you are too drunk to decide or unaware of what is going on you cannot give true consent. It is never your fault: Being drunk does not mean you give up your human rights.

Definitions

Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without consent. Consenting to sex means that you know what you are doing, you want to do it and you can stop at any time.

If a person is too drunk to decide or unaware of what’s happening to them, they can not give true consent. This is rape. Even if the rapist was drunk too, even if the victim doesn’t remember everything: taking advantage of someone who is drunk or on drugs is rape. Rape is a common form of sexual assault. It is committed in many situations — on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone.

Sexual abuse is any behavior that is unwanted or inappropriate. It doesn’t always involve touching:

• Unwanted sexual touching.
• Any type of unwanted sex (intercourse, oral, anal, objects) also called rape.
• Being made to participate in or made to watch sexual acts such as, ‘flashing’ or pornography.
• Being made to listen to or participate in, sexual talk.
• Being spied on while naked or undressing.

Who are the offenders

People who Sexually Abuse, come from a variety of backgrounds as well as different ethnicities, income groups, age groups and sexual orientations. Sometimes perpetrators of rape don’t know that what they are doing is rape. Some of these people believe “no” can be changed to “yes" with little more pressure or force. They believe pressure is a reasonable way to get what they want.

You are not alone

Sexual violence can happen to anyone. 88% of victims knew the person who sexually abused or raped them. Nobody provokes rape no matter how they are dressed or how they were acting. Rape is an expression of power and control. Someone might justify his raping by pointing to the other person’s behaviour, but that is an excuse rather than a reason.

Rape and sexual abuse are widespread in our communities.

What are the effects

Everyone reacts differently and whatever you feel is normal. Here are some of the feelings and reactions you may have:

• Self destructive behaviors like eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, self harm, unsafe sex, reckless driving or shoplifting.
• Anger, shame, guilt and self blame, fear, disgust, anxiety, hatred, flashbacks, depression, feeling powerless, not trusting people, feeling cut off from others, shock and disbelief, irritability and mood swings or sleep disturbances.
• Physical effects like injuries STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) or pregnancy.

 

Healing and Support

Sexual abuse and rape can have a powerful impact on every aspect of people’s life; trying to cope alone can be very difficult. Ignoring it or trying to forget it happened will not make it go away. Talking about the experiences may seem scary, but it WILL help in the recovery. Because everyone is different, everyone’s path to recovery is different too. There are people you can talk to, who can support survivors of sexual violence.

Statistics in New Zealand

• 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are likely to be sexually abused before the age of 16.
• Every 2 hours an attack involving sexual violence is happening in NZ
  Source: Rape Prevention Education website/Minister of Justice Publication Report.

How we can help?

Coping with the effects of Rape and Sexual Violence can be very difficult.

Family and friends are not always able to provide the support you need. They may share feelings of the trauma that you are feeling or some may not understand how you feel.

Our agency specialises in working with survivors ensuring that you receive good support, information and understanding . Empowering you in your healing journey.